


don't build me up just to let me down

by leechansmile



Series: ♡; a somewhat song inspired story [4]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Mentioned SEVENTEEN Ensemble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:27:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23953030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leechansmile/pseuds/leechansmile
Summary: chan wasn't that stupid.sure he failed some tests and he isn't the best student but he has great logics and knowledge in life just for the time he has lived in this world.but maybe he was a tad bit stupid for falling into the trap of the classic falling in love with your best friend type scenario.or where chan is just stupidly in denial and in love.
Relationships: Chwe Hansol | Vernon/Lee Chan | Dino
Series: ♡; a somewhat song inspired story [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1640014
Kudos: 34





	don't build me up just to let me down

**Author's Note:**

> hewwoooo!!! so i made this again in the middle of the night (what a shocker) and it is inspired by mean it by lauv & LANY, go listen to it, it's great!!!
> 
> anyways,  
> ENJOY!!!

chan wasn't stupid, he really isn't

he's just woke to the fact that his not-so-attractive best friend would never like him the way the others had said, i mean why would someone like hansol, who by the way has a lot of other better options than him, would like someone like chan, who spends his whole entire weekend on twitter and reading the unnecessary drama that's in there.

but here is chan, who has an English essay due tomorrow about a book that he hasn't even finished yet, looking up at the blank ceiling recalling all the times he had felt his heart beat more than what it was used to, and the reason you may ask

_is non other then his greatest friend_

if chan could remember, the first time he felt like that was when the said boy hopped over to him during lunch with a big boyish smile on his face with his earphones plucked in both of his ears, and it isn't a huge deal for your close friend to join you for lunch and maybe spend the time with you but if you count the way hansol smiled so happily over chan about how he got an A+ over the music project he just passed and how the teacher noticed how the lyrics _'are deep and well thought of'_ or maybe how the boy held chan's hand in full happiness, shaking the smaller's hand as he beams in full happiness.

but maybe it's just chan's heart playing with him, maybe he just never experienced seeing someone so happy in the moment

_everything was just a huge maybe_

chan turns again in his bed, turning over and looking at the desk across him, he wanted to fall asleep already and let the thoughts die down but as he scans across the messy desk of his head saw the picture frame, on the frame was a picture of him on a swing, a smile plastered on his face and slowly he remembered the reason

it was a warm sunny day, him and hansol decided to hang out since the other seemed a lot more busier recently as he gains more friends while chan was stuck in his room, wondering over his feelings on the said boy.

after contemplating on the way about where they are going they just decided to stay at the local park that they both grew up on, chan and hansol walked around the park, sharing small talk and if not talking, a comfortable silence replaced it as the two boys watch the sun go deeper till it was nearly seen, after walking for a bit they settled on a pair of swings, chan immediately having the inner child of his released as he swings as high as he can, constantly giggling as he feels himself in the air with no worries whatsoever, like a happy child all over again, from the feeling of happiness he hasn't even noticed hansol get off of the swing he was in and take a picture of chan with his phone, chan merely opened his eyes to see the other latter smiling at him, and chan wanted to say it was fondness, he wanted to admit to himself that he saw joy in the eyes of the other but he was too in denial to admit that

he giggled at the other latter as hansol directs his phone again at chan, this time he was taking a video of him causing chan to go off in fits of giggles and standing up from the swing to cover the camera of hansol's phone, causing a chuckle out of the other as he stops the video and close his phone entirely, and chan remembers hearing hansol mutter a small _“you're so childish”_ at him and he knows it's meant to be a small jab towards him, like how they usually are but the fondness that chan hears in hansol's voice was enough for him to hear the small fit of unusual beatings of his heart

_and maybe it is his fault for feeling that way, it's his fault for seeing it that way but the fondness hansol shows is just enough to make chan rethink everything_

and the thought made chan sit up and grab his phone, unconsciously tapping the gallery and looking over the memories saved in there, there were tons of pictures and videos saved but a collection of pictures and videos on that particular day caught his eye

_the day that made his unknowing heart confused and all over the place._

chan taps the first photo of that day, it was a picture of hansol smiling as the light of the theater shines in the background , and chan remembers how they got there, it was when chan found himself lonely inside the empty theater room of their school, all stressed from the activities and schedules due of his studies and he remembers dancing his little heart out as he plays music from his small phone as it fills chan's ears to the brim.

from all the dancing he hasn't noticed tears shortly filling his eyes and the door of the theater room opening, he closes his eyes as he hears the music ending causing him to fall to the ground and let the unknown tears completely fall, looking like a strange boy crying on a stage all alone but as he cries his heart out he heard a voice from behind

_“you look like an angel when your dancing”_

chan looks up from his knees and his eyes remembered seeing hansol with a small smile on his face as the other boy carries his bag with his phone in hand, he sits next to chan as the other latter wipes its tears, facing hansol once again as the other places its phone in the middle of two of them a soft tune plays out of the phone

it wasn't exactly a sad song, it wasn't fitted for the mood of chan's heart but that stupid heart of his did little back flips as hansol sings along and lipsync some parts, making it look dramatic as an effort to make chan smile and maybe at that moment chan should've decided his feelings and admit to himself that he was indeed falling for his best friend and there was nothing to stop it, as he watches hansol laugh around and lipsync dramatically to the song, and at a certain moment when hansol was looking away but still had a huge smile on his face, chan took a photo and he had never found a moment more perfect than this as he drops his phone again and smile at the other latter causing it to look at him with a grin on his face and casually saying _“you look better when you're smiling”_

and right then chan's heart became stupid as he scrolls through the phone again and a video pops up and it was taken at the same day, as chan and hansol continue their shenanigans as the other made the smaller's mood much better and causing both of them to continue to dance along to other songs as they both get reckless but with huge smiles on their faces, and the video contains just that, chan filming hansol as the other strides around the stage all with a goofy smile and singing along to some random upbeat katy perry song, you can hear chan's laughter behind the camera as hansol strides around and chan will always remember what happened after that

_he always remembered when it comes to hansol_

but at this particular moment when both of them got tired and decided to lay down at the stage, both boys looking up at the ceiling as the blinding stage lights burn through and their heavy breathing was more noticeable, chan closes his eyes for a second, feeling his heart beat continuously fast every counting second, and as he opens his eyes he looks across to hansol who was looking at him with a fond look that has chan all confused, and what made it worse was when the said boy mutters something under his breath and chan wishes he hadn't heard it but it was as clear as glass _“i love you, chan”_

but maybe he was also stupid, as he gives out a small smile to the other _“i love you too”_

chan closes his phone as he closes his eyes, trying to calm his heart from the loud memory and as he opens it he released a loud breathe he didn't know he was holding

the only light in chan's room right now was the fairy lights dangling on chan's wall as it illuminates the tiny room, chan stands up and walks over to his dresser to grab a hoodie for he was feeling a lot colder now but as he opens the dresser and gets the first hoodie he sees his heart stopped for a second as he realizes _it was the hoodie_

the hoodie that chan was wearing that day, the day he felt his heart crack a little bit.

he remembers it as it was recent, it was the main reason he can't sleep right now and the main reason he's remembering the other boy from everything he sees, as he recalls the moment he stepped into the music room and seeing hansol with another boy from his music class and chan wanted to say he didn't feel jealousy as he sees hansol smiling that wide and looking so interested in what they were talking about or how hansol hasn't noticed his presence at the door as they both have hansol's earphones plucked in their ears.

it was only when chan leaned in closer to see what they were doing when chan realized it, _they were writing a song,_ and it was stupid for chan to feel this way but he knew that hansol's song writing is special to him and only some people get to see hansol do his work, hell even write with him, so it was quite shocking to chan that him, who was hansol's best friend who knew him since kindergarten had never knew hansol's train of thoughts while writing a song, only getting to watch the process from a far, yet this guy that chan hasn't seen much with hansol, he doesn't even know if hansol ever mentioned the guy to him, write something with hansol and from the looks of it knows what hansol was writing.

and maybe he was being selfish, as he watches the pair giggle at each other, seemingly in their own world as chan looks by at them, and chan didn't know why he was feeling frustrated at that time, he was just a best friend and he doesn't even know if hansol sees him as a best friend too, and their closeness just might mean more to chan than to hansol cause who was he kidding, hansol can replace him with anyone, the guy has tons of friends while all chan has is him and a couple of guys that were ironically also hansol's friends

so all chan does is walk away from the room and leave them be, and after class he waits at the lockers, the same place him and hansol see each other to go walk home together since there houses were almost just across the street from each other, but as the last student walks by chan, the other latter was still not there and chan decided to go to their classroom to check if hansol just decided to stay up in class for some reason but as he walks his ways there he bumps into some of hansol's other classmates and told him that hansol already left and he was such earlier than before, and as confirmation chan's phone fingered indicating a notification and it was text from hansol

_**hey chan, i walked with somebody else today don't wait for me.** _

and chan says he's fine as he walks home by himself and notices that sky being a lot more gloomy than he was used to, he reaches his house with a blank face as he rushes to his room and lies face down on his bed, completely ignoring the fact that his tiny heart just cracked a bit but it was normal, everything was normal

_(it wasn't)_

chan calms himself as he puts on the hoodie, the bittersweet remembrance the item brought made chan walk back to his bed sitting down and looking straight at his feet

it was stupid, so stupid that he was selfish when it came to hansol, he was selfish to the thought of getting replaced but it was reasonable for him to be upset as his considered best friend made him wait for nothing on that silly day while he knew that chan would definitely wait for him as long as he takes, and again chan was bittersweet tot he thought that hansol knew how much he meant to chan and how himself cannot admit that the only reason he was so afraid of getting replaced was because of his growing feelings for the other boy and not just because chan knew that he's another familiarity he doesn't want to lose

but as chan lays down again on his bed the memory of what happened when he last saw hansol entered his brain, the picture of his best friend leaving his room and possibly leaving his life

it was a week after the first incident happened and at that week all chan received from the latter was short texts, being left on read and a small nod everytime they were luckily alone with each other, but who was chan to complain, his friend was hanging out with him and it might not be like the usual but atleast he was there, chan took it all without complaints even if he wanted to shout his whole heart out he didn't want to have hansol ignore him more than he already was doing so he just shuts up and takes it all in but it all sunk in when he was not with the other lad but was with the dance team he was part in, it was when soonyoung brought up hansol and teased the younger about how obvious chan's crush was on the other

“how do you know that i feel that way?” chan questions as the other three looked at him with confused looks, then a chuckle came out of soonyoung as he placed his hand on chan's shoulder “from everything you do chan, you wait for him after class and we all know how much you hate waiting especially when you're all tired from class” 

and maybe it strucked chan more than he wanted it to but it did and it caused a mini freakout from chan as he goes home by himself that day, not bothering to wait for the said lad as he sprints out of the school property and quickly washed to his house, and his mom was home that day so chan excused himself as he runs up the stairs and wrapping himself with his blanket and freaking out by himself

after a half an hour of freaking out by himself for no apparent reason his door opened revealing hansol with his large jacket and bag as he freaks out more, hansol explained how chan's mom just letted him in and it was normal as chan's mom knew hansol and hansol wasn't new to the household but at this time he really wished it wasn't that easy for the other to enter his house like that, hansol also said that he waited for chan at the same place they always see each other and asked a fellow classmate of chan if the smaller left already and the said classmate said yes and even described how chan looked as he left class, which was 'panicked and out of it' which of course caused hansol to worry about the other

but of course chan denied it and said to not worry but being hansol he kept on asking chan about what it was really about and if he was really okay, but due to chan being stupid, stressed and overwhelmed he muttered back to hansol _“why do you care now? you seemed to be fine without me this past week”_

and yes, chan was being incredibly stupid but what can he really do when he was so confused to what he was feeling and hansol was not really helping, and after chan's comment everything was all over the place, it was another messy fight, nothing out of the normal, but something that always happens when they fight is that they never leave angry with each other, they tend to fix things quite quickly and hate to leave it for tomorrow

but it in this one, it ended up with hansol muttering a small _“whatever”_ and leaving the door, which made chan just sit on his bed and lean on the wall, not even crying or making any noise, just looking at the place where hansol used to be and sighing, and maybe he was stupid enough to think that hansol would come up to him after that and maybe fix everything but all that happened the next day was the two ignoring each other and staring helplessly at each other, thinking it would fix everything by itself.

but here chan was back at phase 1, looking at the blank ceiling as he feels the tears welling up at his eyes almost falling over when the door of his room opened to reveal jihoon, his brother, holding a pillow and a blanket with a tired look on his face, and just muttering the words “ _movie night?_ ”

and chan ended up in their living room with his older brother as both of them are under thick blankets and watching _'Beauty And The Beast'_ , he hoped that maybe because of this he'll forget the thought of hansol for awhile but again the world hates chan so it decided to bring up the latter's name again

“haven't seen hansol for awhile now, you two still good?” jihoon asked while still looking at the movie, looking uninterested with his question but you can still hear the worry in his words as chan releases a sigh

“i don't know, i just don't know” chan lays his head back on the sofa as jihoon suddenly looks at him “i know you so well chan, just tell me what happened”

_and chan just broke_

tears well up in his eyes as he looks jihoon in the eyes and the older still has the straight look on his face but reaches out to grab some tissues from the coffee table that was conveniently there and hands them to chan who just crunches the tissues up before speaking

“i don't know my own feelings! i got so scared of losing him and being replaced that i ended up doing what i was afraid of happening” chan hugs his knees to himself as he hurries his face in it, the cup finally tipping over and spilling

“why are you so scared of losing him?”

chan dumbfoundedly looks at jihoon “because he's my best friend, who's not afraid to lose their closest friend?”

chan sees as jihoon rolls his eyes and looks straight into chan “oh are you that stupid? people literally think you guys are together, chan just admit that you like him and you don't wanna lose him just not because he's a close friend”

chan continues to burry his face into his knees as he thinks about what jihoon just said, feeling more and more confused as he picks all the pieces together

“since day one you two literally promised to get married, even mom and dad accepted that you'll only end up with hansol”

and chan remembers again, and how much he hated remembering now but the dash of the memory got to his mind again

_seven year old chan walks sadly to a seven year old hansol who was sitting on a swing, it was the day chan confessed to his first crush, named joy, and got mildly rejected_

_his little feet ran faster as he felt his tears fall down of his eyes as he stands in front of the other boy who looked worried for his friend, hansol just hugged the smaller as it cried on his shoulder making a part of the shirt wet_

_“what happened chan? why are you crying?” little hansol asked as he messily brushes his hand through chan's hair_

_“she rejected me! she said she wouldn't ever like a boy like me! she said that hansol” chan wailed as he grips into hansol tighter and crying harder as ever into hansol's shirt_

_“well she doesn't deserve you channie, you're the bestest boy i know!” hansol rubs chan's back as the other boy's sons turned into hiccups as chan untangles himself from the hug and looks at hansol_

_“really? i am?” chan looked at hansol with adoring puppy eyes as the other boy nodded his head happily at chan_

_“yes you are! and if she doesn't like you it wouldn't matter cause i like you!” hansol held a proud smile as he sees chan's eyes slowly lighting up again_

_“if no one ever likes me and want to marry me, you'll marry me right?” chan innocently asked and hansol just nods_

_“of course i will, i'll stay with you just how mama and papa stay with each other!”_

_chan giggles and held up his pinky finger “pinky promise?”_

_hansol interlaced his pinky finger with chan's_

_“pinky promise. i'll marry you”_

chan felt more tears threatening to fall asleep he recalls the memory

“i like him?” chan wasn't directing it to anyone else but himself, questioning his feelings for the last time

“you like him chan, i think you're even in love” chan's eyes widen at jihoon, his thought processing and he finally gets it

“i like him jihoon, i fell for my best friend!” 

“uh huh you did, and i think he likes you too so just go ahead and fix it with him and not just pick around your room” 

but before chan could reply jihoon already was standing up with his pillow and blanket and threw chan's cellphone at him

“where are you going?” chan asks jihoon as the older looks at chan with a blank stare

“to sleep, and you go fix your thing with lover boy and stop pretending that nothing happened” and just like that jihoon went up the stairs, leaving chan on the sofa with a unfinished disney film on the tv screen and a new text from his phone when it dinged

_**sol <3 : can we see each other tomorrow after school, at the park** _

and all chan replied was an okay as he falls asleep on the couch with the tv on and his feelings all cleared up like a fogged up class getting cleaned up

and maybe chan wasn't ready, he had practiced his line all over again in the mirror as he left the house for school but now that he was in the park on the swings, all ready to meet the other boy, his brain can't seem to properly function anymore

after classes he quickly went home to change and walked back to the park where they agreed to meet and all day at school they again didn't matter a word to each other so this is gonna be the first conversation they have after the argument they had the last time

and now chan felt his heart on his throat as he sees hansol walking up to him, also out of his uniform, and he looks nervous maybe just as nervous chan was, and as hansol sits down on the swing next to him chan and hansol uttered their first words

_“i'm sorry...”_

chan looks at hansol confused “why are you saying sorry i was the stupid one who fought with you that day and started everything”

“but i was the one who ignored you all week and caused you to feel that way and what you felt was completely valid i swear”

both of them uttered all of it in one breathe as they look at each other, both looking confused and guilty.

“but the only reason i felt like that is because i saw you a week before that with somebody else writing a song and you never even let me see a song you made! it was unfair–” chan pouts at hansol and the other latter was about to say something when chan spoke again

“but yeah, you also basically ignored me all week after that and you don't know how lonely i felt when you did that especially when you made me walk home by myself and i hadn't done that in a long time! but you know what all of those time away from you made me realize something”

hansol raises his eyebrows at chan “what did you realize?” and before chan spoke he lets out a long sign before continuing

“i realize that i really like you, like 'like like' you, and i wasn't getting jealous of that guy cause i didn't want my best friend to be stolen, well that's half of the reason, but also because i don't want you with somebody else and you might not feel the same way but–”

“even with all the stuff i pulled through you still haven't realized that i like you? and the only reason i haven't shown you the songs i made is because half of the lyrics are for you and i was talking with that guy that day because he was helping me finish this song that i was writing for you because i planned to confess to you the day we fought”

chan looked at hansol with a weird expression, a mix of frustration and confusion as hansol pulls out something from the inside of his jacket

“now wht the hell is that now?” chan looked at hansol and the other chuckled, bringing the item closer to chan and it was a cassette

“and this is the cassette i planned to give you as a confession and it's got all the mixtapes i wrote about you and i got some help with the vocals from seokmin and seungkwan” hansol scratches the back of his head as he explains himself to the smaller who was now staring at the item with glossy eyes

“gosh were so stupid” and that's all it took for chan to hug hansol and make the two of them fall on the grass 

and maybe it ended up with chan and hansol in chan's room listening to the songs, both apologizing again for their stupidness and chan telling hansol the story of how he realized his feelings by jihoon literally rubbing in his face that he's stupid but that was another story to tell

(but maybe chan realized that should thank jihoon for making him realize that cause he's happier than ever now in the arms of his soul called best friend)


End file.
